i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
