I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Randomize
