I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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