If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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