I can tuck mytits in my pants
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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