I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
