it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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