im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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