He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
