I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
