I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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