It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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