Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
