they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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