ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
