i permit you to call me
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
