Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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