i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize