just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
