every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
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