Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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