remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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