Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Your penis caused this!
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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