I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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