I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
