remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
