dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
