I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize