we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Vodka?
Forever.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
