Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
from now on my penis is your penis
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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