Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
