I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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