Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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