shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
