Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
