you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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