That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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