No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
The struggles of a small town man whore
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
