Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
