peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
