Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
