I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
