There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
