I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
