Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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