I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
