I didn't shave. On purpose
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
