so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
