is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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