do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
