See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
