Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
