My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize
