just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
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