girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
