Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Houston, we have a squirter
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Randomize
