it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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