Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
