Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
