I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
