I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
