Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Randomize