I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
