Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
