I met the friendliest cop last night
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
