I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
