and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
